Fuck it, if you want to read it, read, it, but 'm not doing a tdr. >Be me. >White male, average build, 5'8", decent looking 6/10. >At a college party (Towson University) with a couple of fiends. >Spot an absolutely stunning brunette across the room. >White, athletic, 5'6", 9/10, 22 years old (found out later) >Well call her Claire. >Friends convince me to go talk to her. >She's way out of my league. >I'm totally beta when it comes to women >Drunkenness makes me slightly less beta around women. >Manage to walk over and strike up a conversation >This girl is actually really interesting and nice to talk to. >Not like the other girls at the party (slutty, DTF). >Despite still being a virgin, m okay with this >Again, beta as fuck. >Party starts to settle down. Claire and I go sit down on the couch >We cuddle. >She kisses me. >We make out >We pass out cuddled on the couch >Realize after last night that we still want to get to know eachother. >Exchange numbers >Friend's are all over me asking if we fucked. >Over the next few weeks, we keep in touch >Hook up around campus to hang out and study. >Find out we have a lot in common >She likes comics, football, and the same music as me. >Claire's been giving me signals that shes interested. >I stop being a beta fag and ask her out for a legit date. >We go see a movie. >We make out through almost the whole thing, >I drive her back to her dorm and she invites me in >Her roommate's out >Says she's not ready to go all the way. >She gives me an AMAZING blowjob instead. >We say our goodbyes and I go home. >Fast forward six months >We've started seriously dating in that time. >Have grown closer both physically and emotionally >Sill haven't had sex. >it's a rainy night >Don't want to go out. >Claire meets me at my apartment for a stay-home movie date. >She's wearing a cute little black dress >Looks classy and sexy, not slutty. >She's never seen A Nightmare on Elm Street >This is unacceptable. >Cozy up on my couch while we watch it >Barely get to the first death before she's climbed on top of me. >Claire starts kissing my neck and grinding on me. >Locks lips with me as she starts unzipping my pants. >She pushes her panties to the side and guides my dick in >Oh my fucking God, this is the best moment of my life. >She rides me for a good ten minutes or so before I cum. >Didn't have a condom, not a single fuck given >We finish the movie (and a few others) and she stays the night. >Fast forward three months or so. >Claire and I have been going strong. >Having sex regularly at this point >Find out she has a very kinky side to her >Not the BEST at sex, but am I complaining? >More importantly, we've become attached at the hip emotionally >I can actually say I love this girl >Classes are going good. >Grades are high >Working a well-paid parttime job. >Never been happier. >Holidays are coming around and she wants me to meet her folks up in New York. >Tell her I have to go see my mom for Christmas, but Ill come up for New Years. >She agrees. >it's important to note that Claire is not into social media. >She's a little paranoid about people looking at her personal life on the web. >I ask her what her parents are like so I know what I'm up against. >She gives a brief description, pretty generic. >Wish I could FB stalk, but they don't have Facebook either. >Spend the Christmas season with mom. >Holidays are always hard for her. >Her dad hung himself around Christmas. >Keep her company until the day before New Years >Go up to New York. >Finally make it to the house. >Wow, this place is really swanky. >Big log cabin house, boat in the front yard and shit >I'm actually really nervous to meet Claire's parents >Knock cautiously on the door. >Knock again and hear a voice on the other side. >Hear the locks jiggle and the door swings open >This moment was literally the most decidedly awkward moment of my life. >Rewind 24 years or so. >OP is born >Scumbag biodad abandons me to a fairly well-adjusted single parent childhood. >Grow up not knowing who he is. >Get interested when I tum 18. >Mom is uncomfortable telling me, but does anyways. >She gives me his name, where he went when he left, etc. >And a picture of him. >Fast forward back to New Years >A man opens the door to my gfs parents house. >A thousand NOPES are screaming in my head. >This cannot be happening >it's my dad. >I'm literally trying not to vomit as he welcomes me in >internally, I'm a bubbling mess of emotion. >Angry at my dad for 24 years of daddy issues. >Disgusted that I may be dating/fucking my half sister. >Everything is surreal >He leads me to kitchen where Claire and her mom are making dinner. >They greet me, the mom hugs me, Claire kisses me on the cheek. >I awkwardly exclaim that I have to use the bathroom. >Run around the comer to go. >Realize I don't know where it's. >Claire meets me in the hallway and asks if everything is alright. >I bottle up my feelings and tell her I'm just nervous. >She shows me to the bathroom. >I tum on the sink and bathroom fan. >Commence full blown emotional breakdown >Been in the bathroom for about ten minutes. >Finally find some kind of self composure. >Resolve that it's possible that she's adopted. >Come out and they've already set up the table. >Claires mom notices Ive been crying. >internally scramble for an excuse. >Tell her about my grandpa that killed himself. >Sit down for dinner. >I scarf down my food. >At this point, I'm trying to focus on anything but my dad and gi/sister. >Awkwardly converse for about a half an hour. >Tell them that m not feeling well and would like to tum in. >They show me to the guest room where I'll be saying. >I fall on the bed and stare at the ceiling. >Claire comes into my room. >Her attitude is a combination of pissed off and confused. >She wants to know what my problem is >Make up the excuse that I'm not feeling well and I'll be better tomorrow. >Tomorrow comes. >it's easier now that the initial shock has worn of. >Weekend goes by smooth-ish. Sill traumatized internally when I get back to my home (apartment that is). >For the next few weeks, Claire and I barely see each other. >I can tell she's getting nervous that I want to break up. >I'm not sure that I don't. >She comes to my apartment unannounced. >Dressed uncharacteristically slutty. >Immediately forces herself on me when I open the door. >She practically tackles me to the ground like a fucking lioness in heat. >This is hot but I can't do this. >Don't want to be too rough, but I push her off me. >She gets angry demanding why I don't want to be around her anymore. >I scramble thinking of bullshit excuses. >I've just been really busy. >Claire calls me out on my bullshit >She asks me if I want to break up. >I say yes. >She asks me if's because of her parents. >I scream at her to get the hell out of my apartment. >Beta Anon tried to sound intimidating, >She storms out in tears. >Fast forward a few weeks. >Spring semester has started. >A few months later. >My grades are tanked. >Cant stop thinking about Claire, my Dad, and the whole situation >I talk to a school counselor. >Even he thinks this is fucked up. >Tell my best friend about it. >He doesn't believe me. >I'm seriously depressed. >Can't tun to my mom because I'm ashamed. >No-one reliable to turn to. >Decide to an hero. >The night of I get ridiculously wasted. >Good thing I tied the noose beforehand. >Get a phone call from one of Claire's friends >She goes on this huge rant about how Claire misses me. >Drunkenly blab about planned an hero. >Pass out drunk on the floor. >Wake up the next morning hung over as fuck. >I'm on the couch. >Make out fuzzy outline in the comer of my eye. it's Claire. >She explains to me how her fiend told her about my call >She came to help. At this point she is prying to know what the hell is wrong. >Convinced that this has something to do with our breakup. >She's not wrong. >I tell her that she really doesn't want to know. >She says something about it can't be worth dying for. >I have an epiphany. >She's right, maybe it's not that bad. >Sit there, eyes darting around. >Awkward as shit. >Thinking of what to say. >Not going to get less awkward, >I muster up every ounce of courage I can in my beta heart. >I pull out the picture of my dad in the couch-side cupboard. >I tell her. >I explain the whole thing, >Needless to say, it didn't go over well >A first there was disbelief >Then anger. >Then disgust. >Claire is convinced that I knew about it. >Anon is not a normalfag. >She storms out demanding I keep away from her. >Realize I feel lighter having said it. >A huge weight is gone. >I finally feel like I can move past the guilt. >I finally feel I can find a resolution. >Claire won't talk to me. >Almost a year passes >Haven't heard from her. >Worry that she an heroed. >Contemplate contacting my/her dad. >Cant bring myself to do it. >Too beta to ask her fiends. >Finally get a call from her. >She wants to meet. >Meet at her apartment. >Apparently she moved to Owings Mills and started attending a different school >Community College, I think. >Get to new apartment. >There she is. >Do my best to suppress awkward romantic/sexual attraction >Have a very intimate, deep conversation about the situation >it's super difficult to talk about. >We love each other romantically. >We're attracted sexually. >Neither of us can accept knowing that we're biologically related. >We make a resolution to try and maintain a friendship. >Fast forward three years. >I'm still too ashamed to tell my mom about it. Sill haven't confronted my dad. >Out of college. >Job market fucking sucks. >Still in contact with Claire. >We've been able to get over our romantic attraction >Trying to foster a healthy sibling relationship instead. >Doesn't feel weird for us to talk anymore. >Sill lost my virginity to my half-sister. >Sill have sexual attraction for her. Fin