>Heading into woods on camping trip with college buddies >Me >Girlfriend (now ex) Sarah >Her friend Jill >Jill's roommate Rachel >Rachel was kinda weird very petite, always wore an old army jacket that was too big on her, pixie haircut >She was orphaned at 14, refused to be adopted or fostered, basically struck off on her own at 16 did NOT like being touched and rumor was that someone tried to rape her when she was on her own got free ride through college because lol orphan >My roommate Steve, the nerdy guy >My friend Fred he was Japanese and his name wasn't actually Fred, we called him that because his freshman year he dressed like Fred from Scooby-Doo >Fred's roommate Bill >Bill had a reputation as a creeper, but he was a really nice guy, did charity stuff and would give you the shirt off his back. Before I really knew him well, I called him for help when I got stranded on the roadside he drove three hours in the middle of the night to get me and he didn't even know my name at the time. >Bill was a survivalist and a nerd, so he was constantly bombarding us with random trivia and survival stuff. He once showed me some smoke grenades he'd rebuilt into chlorine gas grenades. Why Because he could. >Bill, needless to say, had never been laid in his entire life >We all head into the woods to stay at a cabin Steve's uncle had built >We get there and the cabin is... shit >it literally made of plywood with exposed insulation, there are no windows, and only three rooms. it DOE'S have a nice wood-burning stove though >Set up sleeping bags on the old army cots in the two bedrooms, girls in one room, boys in the other >We start a fire in the wood stove to warm the place up and start talking about what we're going to do in the moming >Cook chili on top of stove >Fred and Bill start trading racist jokes aimed at one another it's their thing. Bill is practically a white supremacist and Fred is so nationalist he thinks the Japanese Empire should have won WWII >Naturally, Fred and Bill get along and that's why they became roommates >Girls are weirded out by their antics, except Rachel, who's ignoring us all and playing with a Zippo >Jill needs to pee, only place to do it is behind a bush >Girls go together for some reason and we can hear them giggling and talking while Jill squats behind the bush ignore them and laugh while Bill tells Fred his ancestors weren't nuked enough and Fred calls him a filthy gaijin roundeye >Girls suddenly come running back, complaining about a stench >What ste- oh, fuck >it smells like road kill rotting in the sun and something metallic, like burnt copper or smoldering wire >Holy hell, did that come out of you >Jill squawks in indignation >We all head inside to get away from the stench >Bill and Fred finish their racist jokes aimed at each other and move on to mocking Jews and the Holocaust >Girls give them a look that says they will never get laid, ever >Suddenly, there's a loud screech outside the cabin >Sounds like a woman being murdered >Everyone but Bill jumps and looks at the door >Bill calmly announces, it's a fox, chill >Conversation and dinner resume >Everyone eventually heads to bed >Spend the next day hiking and exploring >Find a pond, the girls (minus Rachel) want to swim in it >Steve points out that it's too cold to swim and the pond is stagnant runoff from the hills >Bill suggests plinking and I get out my .22 rifle and we shoot at our empty chili can >Everyone participates, except Rachel, who just sort of stands off to one side playing with her lighter >Bill suggests getting out his FAL and shooting with it, but the girls don't want to shoot a big gun he's disappointed >I didn't even know he'd brought it, but this doesn't surprise me >Head back to the cabin to play Risk >Bill and Rachel end up wiping us all out and ending in a stalemate >Night falls, we build a fire in the stove again >Charades! Yes, we're THAT bored! >Steve is pantomiming when suddenly there's a loud shriek outside >'Was... was that another fox" >Bill replies, nope, that was a rabbit's death scream. That's the only time they make a sound, when they're dying. >Well, thanks for that creepy trivia, Bill >Continue charades >Suddenly, horrid stench fills the cabin >Everyone complains and the girls retreat to their room to escape the smell >Thump against the door to the cabin, like a knock >Steve cautiously opens the door to investigate >Blood splattered on the door >There's a dead, disemboweled, skinless rabbit lying on the ground right outside the door >Did... did a fox throw a dead rabbit at our door >Creeped out, decide not to tell the girls >Nothing else happens, stench fades away and we all go to bed >Next day goes much the same as the first, hiking, exploring >Fliting with Sarah (my gf) constantly >Fred keeps hitting on Jill, who is doing her best to make it obvious she's ignoring his racist Asian ass >Bill keeps pointing out edible plants and other survival stuff to the group I would suspect he was trying to impress the girls, but he ALWAYS did that kind of thing >"Did you know most praying mantises are actually agnostic?" >lolwut >Start a game of freeze tag in the woods >Girls cheat and combine tag with hide-and-seek >Everyone gets into it >Eventually, everyone has been discovered and tagged except Bill >Where the fuck is he >Give up and loudly shout for him to come out >Drops out of the tree we were all standing next to, grinning >You sneaky motherfucker >Head back to cabin >Everyone else plays Risk while I make out with Sarah in the back >Suddenly, Steve runs in and I yank my hand out of her bra >"Dude, what the hell?" >"What?" >"How did you do that?" >"Do what!? Dude, could we get some privacy here?" >"No, seriously, how did you do that?" >"Do What!?" >"You were outside yelling for Bill to come out." >"When?" >Just now!" >Clearly Ive been in here the whole time and the only way in or out of the cabin is the front door >Dismiss it as a failed prank Steve was trying to pull on me >Back to sexy time >Yank my hand out of her bra a second time when Fred comes in and yells for us to come here quick >I'm pissed now >"What the hell, guys" >"Shh! Listen!" >I don't hear anything >"What are y-" >Suddenly I hear a voice out in the woods >"Ok, Bill, game's over! Come on out!" >is the exact phrase I shouted earlier >Who the hell is in the woods repeating what I said >Fred looks at me and says, "Dude, it sounds just like you!" >Whoever it is shouts again and it really does sound just like me >"Who the hell is out there?" >Steve cracks the door open to peek outside, doesn't see anything >"Who's out there?" >Silence. Then. >"Ok Bill, game's over! Come on out!" >Bill shrugs and steps outside >"I'm here! What do you want?" >Silence. Maybe whoever it is hadn't thought this far ahead. >Bill stands there for a minute, then comes back inside >"Dude, are you nuts? We don't know who could be out there!" >In typical Bill fashion, zero fucks were given >instead, he calmly gets out his FAL, which is the biggest rifle Ive ever seen, and slaps a 30 round clip into it and chambers a round >Then he tums on the flashlight clipped on the barrel and walks outside >"if I'm not back in ten minutes, leave without me." >Dude, WTF >We wait, Steve standing watch at the door >We can see Bill's flashlight bobbing around in the trees we watch as he pauses, scans all around him, then continues deeper into the woods >After a while, we cant see his light through the trees anymore >Sarah and Jill are getting scared and retreat to their room Rachel hangs out with us three guys as we wait for Bill to return >Twenty minutes pass and no sign of Bill >"If this is a joke, it's not funny." >Fred swears its not a joke, or if it is then Bill didn't tell him about it >I get my .22 rifle and load it, Fred retrieves a khukri knife from Bill's camping gear >Steve and Rachel are still standing at the front door >Suddenly, Steve calls out "Bill" >"I'm here!" >Fred and I come running back to the door and look outside we can dimly see the silhouette of someone standing just inside the tree line >"Bill What took you so long?" >"I'm here!" >Start getting a creepy vibe >"Bill What are you doing?" >"What do you want?" >The hell We want you to come back inside the cabin, dumbass! >Then we see a dim light bobbing around in the trees, in the direction Bill went >Wait- >I'm suddenly deafened and partially blinded by the muzzle flash of a gunshot going off next to my head >Rachel has produced a snubnose revolver from somewhere within her jacket and fired a shot up into the air >"We have guns! Whoever you are, leave us the hell alone!" >We can't see the figure out in the darkness anymore, but the light is bobbing faster as the owner runs toward the cabin >Bill bursts out of the tree line with his rifle >"Why are you still here? I told you to leave if I took more than ten minutes! Ive been half an hour! Who's shooting?" >"Dude, where the hell were you!?" >"Something was following me down the trail, so I fish hooked to ambush it, but it went back the way I came. I waited a little longer in case it was trying the same thing, then I took my time coming back so I could hear it if it followed me again." >Then he gives us all a dirty look and says, "I told you to leave my ass if I was gone more than ten minutes. it's like you people have never seen these movies before." >Jill and Sarah are freaked out over the person imitating us, and then the gunshot >Rachel just calmly swaps out the spent round in her revolver for a fresh one >I'm not sure she's even old enough to legally own a handgun >Well, now we know how she handled herself living on the streets as a homeless person >Bill gathers us in the front room and insists on a rational discussion of what's happened >We eventually decide its someone pranking us and they're just really good at imitating voices. And repeat the same phrases we shouted earlier. And is in the middle of fucking nowhere screwing with some college students >Right >We all eventually go to sleep, but I noticed Bill kept his rifle within arm's reach >The next morning there was a dead something or other with its skin missing and its guts splattered all over the front of the cabin Bill thought it was either a possum or raccoon >The girls are thoroughly creeped out now and insist on leaving >Sarah is convinced it's some serial killer and the dead animals are a warning or some sick gift >Bill isn't entirely convinced the dead animals weren't left there by a bobcat or something, but is also convinced there's a person out in the woods fucking with us >Steve and Fred don't know WTF is going on, but they don't think it's funny >We all eventually decide we're going to find whoever is messing with us and get them back >The girls are too scared to leave the cabin >Bill recruits Fred as his assistant and they spend the day building booby traps, digging pits, and rigging perimeter alarms from empty cans full of pebbles >Steve retrieves a hatchet from the wood pile and nominates himself captain of the Creepy Cabin Self-Defense Squad, since it's his uncle's place >Everyone basically ignores him and Bill becomes de facto leader since he seems like he knows what he's doing >Finally, he and Fred finish whatever the hell they were doing out in the woods and we all sit around the table playing cards >None of us really know how to play poker, except Jill, who wipes us out >Fred suggests strip poker, which the girls immediately veto >Then we wait >And wait >And wait some more >At this point, I don't care how creepy the motherfucker is, whoever is messing with us BETTER show up or I'm going to be pissed >I regret that sentiment wholeheartedly >Just before sunset, Bill instructs Sarah and Jill to shelter in their back room and has me and Rachel guard the door with our guns. Fred and Steve, being armed with a hatchet and khukri, are to guard the girls in the back while we defend the front door. >"What are you going to be doing" >I'll be up in a tree waiting to ambush whoever it is they'll be expecting us all to be holed up in the cabin. >Explain why this is a terrible idea >Bill ignores me and tells us not to shoot unless we know 100% for sure it isn't him >He disappears into the trees >Crazy motherfucker >Jill is insisting we all just go home (sensible) and keeps asking how we know Bill isn't just an idiot who's making shit up to look good >Fred insists he knows what he's doing >We hear a rattle from one of our perimeter alarms >I crack the door open I can't see anything outside >"Who's out there?" >"Come on out! >it's my voice again >"Who the hell are you Come out where I can see you!" >Bill's phrase, but my voice still. m seriously creeped out now. >"Come out where I can see you!" >"I'm here! Come on out!" >Against my better judgement, I step outside the door and shine my flashlight at the trees >There's someone standing in the tree line with their back toward us >They're dressed the same as Bill, but they look filthy and the its hair is longer >"Who the hell are you?!" >No response >"Turn around so I can see you!" >Still nothing, it just stood there >"I have a gun! I'll shoot if you don't turn around!" >it didn't say anything, but whoever or whatever it was started convulsing, like it was laughing hysterically, but there was no sound >"You better leave us alone! This is our property! You better get out of here!" >it was still standing there with its back to us, but now it was jittering like... it's hard to describe, but it's like it was under a strobe light or something >I take a step forward, keeping the flashlight and my .22 aimed at it >"Do you hear me?" >I was debating what to do next and wondering where the hell Bill was, when I smelled that stench again >it was so sudden and so foul, it was like being hit in the face with a brick >I gagged at the stink of a dead animal decomposing in raw sewage and mold and my eyes watered >I looked back at the cabin at the others and Rachel and Steve both shouted in shock >I spun around and the whatever-it-was was suddenly much closer, halfway between the tree line and cabin, with its back still toward us >I scrambled backwards toward the cabin >I will never forget what happened next >Fred holds the khukri over his head in a two-handed grip and, no shit, screams "BANZAI!" >Charges out of the cabin toward the creepy strobe light person >No wonder he gets along so well with Bill they're BOTH crazy motherfuckers >Fred runs past me, then immediately trips over a piece of stray firewood and faceplants into the dirt, dropping his bigass knife >The person is convulsing like something is crawling around under its skin and clothes, Rachel is shouting for us to get back inside the cabin and waving her revolver around, and suddenly the night is shattered by a deafening BOOM! >The creeper freezes motionless >BOOM! BOOM! >Even louder than the gunshots is an ear-splitting shriek >if a banshee and a cougar were slowly lowered into a wood chipper, it wouldn't sound half as loud or disturbing as whatever the hell this scream was >The creepy person vanishes like they were never there >Bill sprints into view, switches on the flashlight on his rifle, and scans the treeline >"I told you idiots to stay in the cabin!" >After some shouting back and forth, Bill and Fred investigate outside while the rest of us go back in the cabin >They find some blood where the thing had been standing... or at least they think it's blood, because it's pitch black >They can't find any footprints anywhere, and other than the alarm that was shaken when it first appeared, none of the booby traps were tripped >They come back inside the cabin and the rest of us have decided fuck this, we're getting the hell out of Dodge >Bill calmly loads three rounds into his magazine to replace the ones he shot and asks if we really want to load our stuff into the van in the dark with that thing out there >Good point >We all pack our shit anyway so we can leave at first light >Everyone is too keyed up to sleep and sits up >The stench returns, that dead animal and burning copper smell >"What the hell is that smell? Do you think its the thing?" >"Probably, but we didn't smell it earlier when it was-" >THUD >Something just smacked into the wall of the cabin >Dead silence as we all grasp weapons, makeshift or otherwise, and nervously listen >After a long moment, something thuds against the wall again >We don't move a muscle >Something began scratching at the door, like slowly dragging your nails down the length of the door, then starting again after reaching the bottom >"I'm here! Come on out!" >it was Steve's voice this time, and he paled visibly when he heard it >"Fuck you! Who are you? What do you want?" >"Game's over! Come on out!" >That's when Rachel fired a shot through the door >Despite the ringing in my ears, I could hear what sounded like the world's nastiest cat fight as something screeched, hissed, spat, and slammed into the door repeatedly >She fired a second shot and the noise stopped >After a long, uncomfortable silence, we heard the screeching again, but far off in the woods >Bill opened the door and told everyone get your shit in the van, we're leaving >As we started throwing shit into the van, I noticed Bill had disappeared around the side of the cabin that the thumps on the wall had come from >I tossed the last of my stuff in the van, then followed >We found out what had thumped against the wall >There were two splotches of blood on the side of the cabin, and underneath each was half of a full-grown deer >Oh fuck >it RIPPED A DEER IN HALF AND THREW THE HALVES AT THE CABIN >Bill tells me not to say anything about it because it'll scare the girls >I'm pretty sure they're already scared, dude >We rejoin the others as they make one last trip inside the cabin for the last of our stuff >Bill grabs me by the shoulder >"Steve, go start the van. Girls, go wait in the van. Well get everything else. >The girls made no argument and got in the van with Steve, leaving Bill, Fred, and me in the cabin >'That's almost everything. Fred, you go check the back and make sure we have everything. >Then Bill physically pulled me and Fred out of the cabin while we gave him a WTF look. >And then I saw someone else in the back of the cabin, wearing filthy clothes like Bill's, packing things up. >Oh fuck, it was in the cabin with us >Bill quietly pulled us out of the cabin, and I pointed my rifle at it >I heard a pop like a firecracker going off and something smacked me in the leg I looked down at my feet and saw. >Is that a fucking grenade spoon >I looked up just in time to see Bill pull the pin from a second grenade, one of those big smoke grenade types, release the spoon with a pop, and throw it into the cabin >Then he shut the door and locked the handle and the deadbolt with Steve's keys and stepped back >He looked at me and calmly said, Thermite. Any second now." >Then he pointed his rile at the cabin and waited >Steve got out of the van and joined us, asking WTF we were doing >Suddenly, we heard that ungodly screeching again, this time from inside the cabin >it was like someone was electrocuting a burlap sack full of angry lynxes who all had their balls in a vice >Bill calmly explains to Steve that he had just set the cabin on fIre with fucking homemade thermite grenades he'd brought along on 2 camping trip for reasons that made sense only to Bill >"What the fuck, man! You set fire to my uncle's cabin!" >"Hey, my Risk set is still in there too." As if that made it even, somehow. >The screeching gets even louder and something slams into the door, HARD. >Bill calmly dumps ten or fifteen rounds of .308 into the door and wall of the cabin >The inhuman shrieks get even louder smoke starts pouring from under the door and we can see an orange glow through the bullet holes >"Uh... can we leave now?" >"Nah," Bill casually responds. "Need to make sure we don't burn the forest down too." >"Dude, FUCK the forest! We can bum the whole state to the ground it kills that thing and anything else like it!" >"Also, I kinda want to shoot it fit breaks out of the cabin so it doesn't seek revenge. I don't want this shitty horror movie to have a sequel." >Realize this makes sense, and not just because Bills acting as if we're in a horror movie >Inhuman shrieks and something slamming repeatedly against the walls of the cabin continue for a good twenty minutes before falling silent >The girls get out of the van and join us as we watch the cabin burn to the ground >The heat from the fire is barely tolerable, and we're standing thirty feet away >The cabin finally collapses and everyone but Bill gets in the van he stands there watching it burn, holding his rifle like he still expects some monster to come charging out of the roaring inferno >I know for a fact he's going to be bragging to the entire campus about how he singlehandedly slew a monster when we get back >Finally, the cabin has burnt to the point that is just a crackling, smoldering pile of charcoal and ashes, not even a dim orange glow visible in the darkness >Bill stretches his limbs, then gets in the van and tells Steve to drive into the town so we can get gas and breakfast >We arrive in a town of maybe 400 people an hour later, and stop at a combination gas station diner >As we walk in, Bill jokingly comments that if we were really in a horror movie, he'd have at least earned a blowjob from the heroine >Rachel grabs him by the head and pulls him into the back of the diner gas station >We don't see them again until after we've ordered breakfast and our food has arrived >I only have Bill's word for this, but he claims she pulled him into the bathroom and blew him on the spot >They've been going out ever since, for almost two years now >Steve told his uncle that the cabin burned down because the chimney for the wood stove got clogged or something and caught fire >His uncle doesn't care since it was a shitty cabin he built in a single weekend and is just glad we're all ok and didn't burn the woods down >We've never gone back there, but Steve's uncle has gone camping there several times since, mostly during hunting season, and hasn't seen or heard anything odd >Other than the skeletal remains of a deer tom in half next to what's left of the cabin, that is >Bill's the only one of us crazy enough to go camping >"Eh, you murder one creepy monster in a fire, you sort of lose any fear you had of the woods at night." >Speak for yourself, you nutjob And that's my creepy skinwalker/fleshgait/wendigo/whatever the hell it is story. I have no idea if we actually killed it or not, and I'm not poking around in the burnt remains of that cabin to find out